A Thankful Heart

Hello!

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it? I apologize for my absence from the blogosphere. A lot has been going on not only in my personal life, but in the world. (There was this whole big "Election" thing. Not sure what that's all about.) 

Anyway, imagine me blowing the dust and tumble weeds off of Uncommon Spirit, and let's see if I can't get the hang of it this time around, huh?

The reason I wanted to get back into writing regularly online is because I had secretly been missing it. I didn't miss trying to make it into something BIG. I'm not really into bigness. Except, perhaps in my pant size. I live in a small town. I work for a small company. I enjoy small groups of people. In short, big-giant-humungo things, well, just aren't my thing. 

I'm also trying to keep more positive in my comings and goings in my day-to-day life. One way I know I can do that is by keeping track of what I'm thankful for. 

You may have noticed on Facebook how people are counting down the days of November by saying what they're thankful for. I'm late to the party, as usual, so I thought I'd combine all the things I'm thankful for in the past fifteen days into one big post. (Okay, I guess I'm a little more into Bigness than I thought.)

So, here we go. 

I am thankful for:

1. My mom, who is extremely patient with me and is never short on wisdom or new recipes to try.
2. My bff & neighbor, Dottie, who is always there for me and doesn't mind cat sitting or being a guinea pig for any new treats I cook up.
3. My crazy cat, Mowgli. I adopted him when he was still a wee little fella back in June. He is now spoiled rotten. And he plays fetch, so he's already cooler than most pets I know. 
4. Having a job I enjoy that has good benefits and allows me to work on other things. (Now, if I could just get a raise...)
5. My awesome apartment. I've been in my apartment for a few years now and it never fails to bowl me over at how cool it is to live there. 
6. All of my cool STUFF. I know having "stuff" and "things" may sound materialistic, but the majority of my furniture has incredible history to it. Sure it's mostly from dead relatives, but HEY, it's awesome and it's free. Can't beat that. ;)
7. My Fairy Godmother. Do I really have to explain this? Y'all, I have a FAIRY GODMAMA. Y'all just don't know. She's awesome as all get out. And yes, she does have wings. (You think I'm joking.)
8. Comfy things. Again with more things, but here me out- even when you don't make much money, you live alone with a deranged cat, and you have to keep the heat on low in the winter- having comfy things like fleece bedsheets and toasty comforters and space heaters make all the difference. They also make it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Soooo comfy.
9. Long distance friends. A few of my buddies from college live much too far away for my liking. How is it that the very people you would LOVE to have come over for dinner parties live states away? I want my teleportation system, like, yesterday. 
10. Deadlines. As someone who works mainly in bursts I always need a deadline in order to get anything done. I started a novel back in April but hit a drought, because why? Because I didn't have a deadline. Hence, NaNoWriMo. I now have to meet 50k words by the end of the month or else I'll have to set another concrete deadline OR ELSE I SHALL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.
11. Learning new things. I'm still participating in SouLodge, although at my very own (read: slow) pace. Usually I miss out on what everyone else is saying, but the upside is that I am forced to listen to myself and not to what the crowd is chanting.  I'll also be taking a year long Apothecary class online starting next month that I hope will be as awesome as it sounds.
12. Creative downtime. I had to say good-bye to my art studio back in June which meant no more painting for me for a while. (Until I can find another space.) But it's forced me to try and find other ways of expressing myself. Like working on the aforementioned novel, trying to make my own jewelry, and trying to get Illustrator to do what I want it to do. (Grr.) 
13. Christmas parties. I know, I know. We're not even to Thanksgiving yet, but I had to throw this in here. I've somehow managed to pull of having a small Christmas party at my home for close friends and family members, and I'm throwing one again this year. I've already started working on the invitation! Squee!
14. Chocolate. Seriously, it's life sustaining.
15. Really good quality headphones. I listen to music more than I probably should. Therefore I go through my share of ear buds pretty quickly. A year ago a cute lil' fella at Radio Shack convinced me to try some Skullcandy ear buds, and lemme tell ya- they make all the difference in the world! I haven't killed them yet. And neither has my cat. (That says a lot.)

That's all for me right now. I'll be back in a few days time with more to add to the list. How about you guys- what are you grateful to have in your life?

xoxo, 

Jenna.

Where I Use to Live

Found it through Google Images. 

If you move away, can you still refer to your former residence as "my home"? 

Since I've chosen to not attend the church I grew up in, I've been asking myself that question a lot. A church isn't the same thing as a house, structurally speaking. You can make a house a home. And a church is a house of worship. But is a church also a home? And once you move away, is it still yours? 

My family moved into our little house in town when I was a toddler. I grew up in that one house and only moved away temporarily during college. The first time I moved out out was, er, problematic at best. So I moved 'back home'. I've lived in two other apartments since then and have enjoyed it immensely. I still refer to that house as 'my home', even though I have no intention of again living under the same roof as my folks. Occasionally I'll refer to it as "my parent's house", but that still feels new on my tongue. 

It's the same with church. I've been going there since before I was able to walk. I made some wonderful friends there. I got involved in choirs, youth group, the adult choir, Vacation Bible School every summer...I loved it. Then. I stopped attending for multiple reasons. Somewhere between the pervy old men and the pressure to join committees I lost interest. 

That's not how it always was. 

There once was a sense of community, of the idea that it was safe to explore your beliefs and to doubt and to question and to ask and to seek. And sometimes to hide. The idea was that, if you can't feel secure inside a church where can you? 

Answer: Anywhere. 

Dur. 

I tried going back at first, thinking it was only in my head. That I must have been over reacting. I wasn't. Things changed. I changed. I couldn't go back anymore. People ask me where I've been, that they miss me. They want to know if or when I'll come back. 

But I can't. And I won't. 

It's not my home anymore. 

I don't live there anymore.

And that's okay. If Dorothy was meant to stay in Oz, then there would be no need for ruby slippers. And we all need ruby slippers. Just three clicks and a chant, and you're home.