Advent Calendar 2012

So I mentioned in my Thankfulness Post a couple days ago that I made an advent calendar. Well I did. Sort of. 

I didn't want anything fancy that I would have to either put a whole bunch of money down for, or spend hours sewing something cutesy that my fruitcake cat would destroy in five minutes. I drew up an elementary school looking Christmas tree on Illustrator and wrote a different activity on each decoration. (How creative! I'm so smart. Imma give myself a cookie.) 

Drew it up, printed it out, and now that sucker is on my fridge. Because that's how we roll. 

For the activities I made up things that I could do seeing as how I live alone, (boo.) That would still be fun and not so depressing. Here's what I came up with:

1. Christmas shopping!
2. Put up the tree.
3. Make paper snowflakes.
4. Take donations to Goodwill.
5. Send out Christmas cards.
6. Find mistletoe.
7. Bake cookies!
8. Hot Cocoa party.
9. Christmas Cantata (being held at my church.)
10. Watch "It's a Wonderful Life".
11. Make a popcorn garland.
12. Make breakfast for dinner.
13. Make mulled wine.
14. Christmas party! (I usually hold one every year.)
15. At home "spa" day. 
16. Eat dark chocolate! Because why not?
17. Make beeswax candles.
18. Watch "A Christmas Toy".
19. Make a tin can lantern. (Done by punching holes in a tin can with a hammer and nail.)
20. Winter Solstice celebration.
21. Holiday manicure. (Why not? I'm going silver & gold.)
22. Watch "A Muppet's Christmas Carol".
23. Do a lights tour.
24. Make a gingerbread house.
25. Christmas Day! Whoop! :)

Are you doing anything special for the Holidays? Lemme know!

xoxo,

Jenna.

What's In A Name?

Okay, so I've finally gone and done it: I've changed my name.

Not in real life! Just on this blog.

I figured it was time. I was tired of explaining to people why I didn't use my real name. Frankly, when people don't understand they can be real nosy assholes. I already have to put up with too many of them in my life right now, so the fewer the better.

How about a proper introduction? *ahem*

My name is Jenna. Nice to meet you!

I used to hate my name. No one could pronounce it correctly. Classmates would roll their eyes whenever there was a substitute teacher, and they had to explain how to say my name. (It was sweet that my classmates stuck up for me though. I was too quiet and shy to correct teachers on my own.) I wanted it to be something else, something more recognizable and simple like 'Jennifer'. I tried signing my name that way when I was little and it didn't feel right, so I kept Jenna.

I tried many other names over the years. I used "Zoe" as part of my AIM name back in the day, and one girl from college started calling me that in real life! It was hilarious, mostly because other people got to thinking that was my real name too. (It does fit, oddly enough.)

I started blogging for Fantastic Spatula and Uncommon Spirit under the moniker "Lucy Dylan Wiggins" partially for fun and partially because I didn't want the company I work for finding out I had a blog. Then people started reading it anyway, and I felt uncomfortable going by two names. Plus, even in the end it didn't feel right. Like I was wearing someone else's sweater. (Not comfy. Probably smells like old people, too.)

So Jenna it is, and Jenna I'll be. :)

Hope you don't mind if I stick around a while.


xoxo,

Jenna.

Give a Little Love

This is part two of my List of Things I'm Thankful For, as started in my last entry. (Yes, I know this was supposed to be November thing and it's now December 5th.) What can I say? I'm either completely lazy or insanely busy, there doesn't seem to be much in between with me. :)

Here's the rest of the list:

1. A New Bed: It's amazing what a difference a new mattress can make. I upgraded from my two twin mattresses and box springs smushed together to make a king bed, to getting a proper sized full bed. Let me tell you, it makes everything better! From finally being able to go into deep sleep for hours on end, to not having back pain in the morning...It's all wonderful. 
2. Serendipity: Not the movie! But the real life thing. Unfortunately, not in the romantic way. Things have been falling into place when they should, as in being able to sell my old bed to a friend that needed it and right when I needed it to be out of my house.
3. Running into old friends: I saw some "kids", (I say kids because they're younger than me.) from high school recently. They are as adorable now as they were then. (I'm sure they'd shutter to hear me refer to them as adorable! Bahahaha!)
4. Christmas Music: I am not at all in the Christmas spirit. I haven't been for years, but I'm trying! It helps when Josh Groban is singing sweetly through the speakers. And, as my sister-in-law knows all too well, it's not Christmas until you hear Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" on the radio for the first time.
5. Get-The-Hell-Out-Of-Dodge Dates: I live in a small, mostly boring town. If it weren't for the occasional trips out of town with my Best Fiend I'd probably go insane. This week we're getting away and finally seeing "Skyfall"! I am preparing to have Adele's theme song stuck in my head for all eternity.
6. My MC Angels: I miss my angels from college. Especially my moose and my duckling! (Funny how if people stick around me long enough they get an animal nickname. I assign spirit animals like it's my thing.)  I'm glad there are still some that stick with me no matter how insane I am. Or what woo-woo wonder critter I give them. ;)
7. Chugging Honey Straight From the Squeezie Bottle: Y'all, I ain't kiddin' about this one. If you are a sugar junkie and you've never done this then we can't be friends. I'm serious. Grab a honey bear and squeeze him till he screams. Then we'll talk.
8. Breakfast for Dinner: This one is self explanatory. Who doesn't like pancakes AFTER the sun has gone down? For serious. 
9. Advent Calendars: I remember having one cardboard box advent calendar when I was little. I didn't grasp the idea of only having one piece of chocolate a day until Christmas. That seemed silly. So I opened up all the little doors and devoured half of the sweets in a matter of minutes. Now that I am supposedly GROWN (HA!) I do appreciate the idea of counting down to a holiday. So in effort to try and not be so grinchy this year I came up with my own advent calendar of things to do until the big day. So far I'm sticking to it, although tonight I think is paper snowflake making and that might be...interesting. 
10. Christmas Cards: Again, another attempt at not being mean and green this Christmas. I love, love, LOVE getting cards but I don't think I've ever sent any out before. Which seems like a real shame, if you ask me. So I made Mowgli pose all pretty underneath our Christmas tree and his little, fuzzy face is now plastered on all my Christmas cards. I hope none of my friends are strictly dog lovers. (They might just get TWO cat cards!) (Because I am evil.) 
11. Weekly Lunch Dates: I can't remember if I've already said this. If so, it's worth repeating. My Best Fiend and I go out for lunch about once a week at a nearby Mexican restaurant. We've been going there so long they now know our drink and food orders. I'm not sure if it's awkward or awesome. 
12. Things that hit you right in the Feels: Seeing someone do a good deed for another person. Hearing stories about people donating money to worthy causes. Stuff that makes you weep even when you're not on your period.
13. Crazy Awesome Grandmas: I'm lucky that both of my Grandmothers are still around. Granted, my Nana is a bit...insane, these days. But she's hilarious nonetheless. And both have lived extraordinary lives that I love hearing about.
14. Chocolate: Eat it early and often, kids. Unless you're diabetic, and in that case you have my deepest sympathies. 
15. The Hobbit!: Only a few more days and then all the waiting will finally be over! I can't wait! Martin Freeman  being adorable! Sir Ian McKellan! So much awesome I can almost forgive Sir Peter Jackson for making it into three movies! EEEE!

I think that's sufficient. You guys keep me on my toes and make sure I update more, okay? Awesome. Y'all rock.

What are you thankful for? Lemme know!

xoxo,

Jenna.

Proof in Palms

We do not need to know
How it is we came to be here.
Only that we are
fearfully,
wonderfully,
made.
The proof is in
your hands.

Here's for the wrists,
who gently bend
to catch
the curved spine
of a kitten falling
dreamily from
your side.

Who, when he wakes,
realizes what has happened.
and purrs acknowledging
he has been caught in love.

For the palms that know
how to hold a baby's head
so full of dreams and wonder.

Can you make a fist with your hand?
Not to raise in angst and anger,
but to know it is the same size
as your heart,
ka-thump, ka-thumping
in your chest, saying,
"Be-Well, be-well, be-well."

We do not need to know
How it is we came to be here.
Only that we are
fearfully,
wonderfully,
made.
The proof is in
your hands.

A Thankful Heart

Hello!

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it? I apologize for my absence from the blogosphere. A lot has been going on not only in my personal life, but in the world. (There was this whole big "Election" thing. Not sure what that's all about.) 

Anyway, imagine me blowing the dust and tumble weeds off of Uncommon Spirit, and let's see if I can't get the hang of it this time around, huh?

The reason I wanted to get back into writing regularly online is because I had secretly been missing it. I didn't miss trying to make it into something BIG. I'm not really into bigness. Except, perhaps in my pant size. I live in a small town. I work for a small company. I enjoy small groups of people. In short, big-giant-humungo things, well, just aren't my thing. 

I'm also trying to keep more positive in my comings and goings in my day-to-day life. One way I know I can do that is by keeping track of what I'm thankful for. 

You may have noticed on Facebook how people are counting down the days of November by saying what they're thankful for. I'm late to the party, as usual, so I thought I'd combine all the things I'm thankful for in the past fifteen days into one big post. (Okay, I guess I'm a little more into Bigness than I thought.)

So, here we go. 

I am thankful for:

1. My mom, who is extremely patient with me and is never short on wisdom or new recipes to try.
2. My bff & neighbor, Dottie, who is always there for me and doesn't mind cat sitting or being a guinea pig for any new treats I cook up.
3. My crazy cat, Mowgli. I adopted him when he was still a wee little fella back in June. He is now spoiled rotten. And he plays fetch, so he's already cooler than most pets I know. 
4. Having a job I enjoy that has good benefits and allows me to work on other things. (Now, if I could just get a raise...)
5. My awesome apartment. I've been in my apartment for a few years now and it never fails to bowl me over at how cool it is to live there. 
6. All of my cool STUFF. I know having "stuff" and "things" may sound materialistic, but the majority of my furniture has incredible history to it. Sure it's mostly from dead relatives, but HEY, it's awesome and it's free. Can't beat that. ;)
7. My Fairy Godmother. Do I really have to explain this? Y'all, I have a FAIRY GODMAMA. Y'all just don't know. She's awesome as all get out. And yes, she does have wings. (You think I'm joking.)
8. Comfy things. Again with more things, but here me out- even when you don't make much money, you live alone with a deranged cat, and you have to keep the heat on low in the winter- having comfy things like fleece bedsheets and toasty comforters and space heaters make all the difference. They also make it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Soooo comfy.
9. Long distance friends. A few of my buddies from college live much too far away for my liking. How is it that the very people you would LOVE to have come over for dinner parties live states away? I want my teleportation system, like, yesterday. 
10. Deadlines. As someone who works mainly in bursts I always need a deadline in order to get anything done. I started a novel back in April but hit a drought, because why? Because I didn't have a deadline. Hence, NaNoWriMo. I now have to meet 50k words by the end of the month or else I'll have to set another concrete deadline OR ELSE I SHALL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.
11. Learning new things. I'm still participating in SouLodge, although at my very own (read: slow) pace. Usually I miss out on what everyone else is saying, but the upside is that I am forced to listen to myself and not to what the crowd is chanting.  I'll also be taking a year long Apothecary class online starting next month that I hope will be as awesome as it sounds.
12. Creative downtime. I had to say good-bye to my art studio back in June which meant no more painting for me for a while. (Until I can find another space.) But it's forced me to try and find other ways of expressing myself. Like working on the aforementioned novel, trying to make my own jewelry, and trying to get Illustrator to do what I want it to do. (Grr.) 
13. Christmas parties. I know, I know. We're not even to Thanksgiving yet, but I had to throw this in here. I've somehow managed to pull of having a small Christmas party at my home for close friends and family members, and I'm throwing one again this year. I've already started working on the invitation! Squee!
14. Chocolate. Seriously, it's life sustaining.
15. Really good quality headphones. I listen to music more than I probably should. Therefore I go through my share of ear buds pretty quickly. A year ago a cute lil' fella at Radio Shack convinced me to try some Skullcandy ear buds, and lemme tell ya- they make all the difference in the world! I haven't killed them yet. And neither has my cat. (That says a lot.)

That's all for me right now. I'll be back in a few days time with more to add to the list. How about you guys- what are you grateful to have in your life?

xoxo, 

Jenna.

Anonymous on the Net: The Introvert and the Blogosphere

Found here.

Since this blog has gone unattended for longer than usual I thought I would come back with a little notice about what's been going on.

It seems that it's hardest for people who are introverted and shy to keep a blog or online journal going. The constant hum and murmur of chatter and conversation become overwhelming. Trying to keep up with the latest widgets, SEO information, and trends also gets to be too much. For someone who likes their privacy, and doesn't feel the need to over-share with complete strangers, the feeling might be akin to juggling eggs while riding a unicycle.

Not only is it difficult, you look silly doing it if you don't know why you're doing it in the first place.

Online is all about being over. Over compensating, over sharing, over night, over, over, over.

When suddenly we stop, assess the situation, gather information, and begin damage control do we see the big picture.

And what do we do? We start over. And over. And over again. We jump through all the hoops until finally- we land. 

Eventually we all learn to leap regardless.

Where I Use to Live

Found it through Google Images. 

If you move away, can you still refer to your former residence as "my home"? 

Since I've chosen to not attend the church I grew up in, I've been asking myself that question a lot. A church isn't the same thing as a house, structurally speaking. You can make a house a home. And a church is a house of worship. But is a church also a home? And once you move away, is it still yours? 

My family moved into our little house in town when I was a toddler. I grew up in that one house and only moved away temporarily during college. The first time I moved out out was, er, problematic at best. So I moved 'back home'. I've lived in two other apartments since then and have enjoyed it immensely. I still refer to that house as 'my home', even though I have no intention of again living under the same roof as my folks. Occasionally I'll refer to it as "my parent's house", but that still feels new on my tongue. 

It's the same with church. I've been going there since before I was able to walk. I made some wonderful friends there. I got involved in choirs, youth group, the adult choir, Vacation Bible School every summer...I loved it. Then. I stopped attending for multiple reasons. Somewhere between the pervy old men and the pressure to join committees I lost interest. 

That's not how it always was. 

There once was a sense of community, of the idea that it was safe to explore your beliefs and to doubt and to question and to ask and to seek. And sometimes to hide. The idea was that, if you can't feel secure inside a church where can you? 

Answer: Anywhere. 

Dur. 

I tried going back at first, thinking it was only in my head. That I must have been over reacting. I wasn't. Things changed. I changed. I couldn't go back anymore. People ask me where I've been, that they miss me. They want to know if or when I'll come back. 

But I can't. And I won't. 

It's not my home anymore. 

I don't live there anymore.

And that's okay. If Dorothy was meant to stay in Oz, then there would be no need for ruby slippers. And we all need ruby slippers. Just three clicks and a chant, and you're home.

A Name With No Grave

Shall I bury you? 

Or throw your ashes out to sea? 

Would you rest among the wild oaks

Whose branches, like arms, 

Reach for the unseen? 

Where can I take you 

That you can find peace? 

Where shall I carve your name- 

A stone which reads, 

"Here lies my Heart"?

In Praise of Hibernation

Only the first week in February and we haven't had the slightest bid of cold, (read: FREEZING), weather since mid-January. The weather here in southern Virginia seems almost tropical.

Except for today; today it's been rainy and meh. So, Amazonian weather, perhaps?

Anyway. Whatever the weather it is still winter. I've been staying in more and more this year than any other winter before. I'm not entirely sure why, only that my body keeps telling me that I need my rest. Truly the only way to keep me indoors and in solitude is to suddenly be beaten in the head by the sandman. For instance, I slept a solid nine hours last night- followed by a two hour nap.

See what I mean? Crazy, right?

At first I was fighting it all the way. I had plans! There are things to be done! I need to get outsideeee while it's so pretttyy outtt! Whinneee! 

Body: "Hahaha! Uh, no." *THWACK!* "Go back to bed! You need your beauty rest. No, really."

Mind: Whimpers and surrenders.

Hibernation has been good for me in a lot of ways though. I'm reading more books now, which is wonderful since my bookshelves are overflowing with ones I haven't read yet. (I once set a rule that I couldn't buy a new book until I had read one I already owned. Guess how long I stuck to that one? Three days.) 

There has also been a lot of experimental baking and cookery going on in my nest. Gluten/Dairy free popcorn chicken, anyone? (YUM.) 

I haven't been a complete lazy bum. Weekly outings to Zumba class and doing my own weight lifting routine have preventing me from getting "Bear Butt". 

All in all, I kind of love me some hibernation! 

How are you guys holding up through the winter? 

Word for the Year: Real

Alright, alright- I know I'm late for this bandwagon. I've been meaning to write this for a while now, and just haven't had the gumption to do it. So here goes- gumption be damned. 

Most of the lovely bloggers have been talking about finding one word to revolve their year around. I was intrigued by this method last year, but too nervous to test it out. That, and I couldn't for the life of me think of one word to summarize how I wanted my next twelve months to be. 

This year was easier, it came in the form of a quote from one of my favorite childhood books: 

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

I would run across that quote several more times before and after the new year and would always keep it in the back of my mind. Letting it marinade there until it itself became real to me. 

And then I had it. 

Not in the lightning bolt moments that epiphanies sometimes come wrapped in, but in that still, small way. The way in which you least expect it, and then it's there and you wonder why you didn't notice it all along. 

My word for the year is simply: Real. 

Real-ness in all things. Relationships, surroundings, artwork, work-work. Out with old, tarnished beliefs and ways of things that no longer work. In with the true, the knowing, the real. 

The best part of living 'real'? It lasts for always.

Spirituality and Finding the "Just Right"

One thing that I've been coming across a lot in my life recently is the strict notion that an individual can only follow one spiritual path. It's like saying that the only way to get from point A on the map to point B is by taking only one route and one route only. Wouldn't that be terrible? To be squeezed into one, narrow lane of traffic heading in the same direction? Would you get to see anything other than straight ahead? Could you not pull over, have a picnic, get to know the people in the car next to you? I think one way thru life is a terrible waste of time, energy, and creativity. On our part and on the part of any sort of "Maker". 

One way streets are terribly unimaginative. 

I don't think that there are any gods, spirits, beings on the other side having wars and arguments over who exists and who doesn't. I think all the fighting is on our side of the ethereal curtain. And I think it's a shame. No one living person knows enough to say that "THIS is the one path to enlightenment! THIS is the only way to live!" We simply don't. 

"I don't think there is any truth. Only points of view." -- Allen Ginsberg

My problem is not finding something to believe in, but finding something not to believe in. Even now I'm not sure that's much of a problem to be had. I've been a bit like Goldie Locks in my spiritual pursuit. Some practices feel too tight (Southern Baptist), somethings feel too big (Buddhism). Other things feel almost just right, but not enough for me to settle into them like a second skin. 

I've gotten some grief from people who don't quite understand, and that's fine. I don't see how they can't not their comfy theology. To each their own. I believe that it's personally fine to pursue whatever believe one wants, I don't think it's very noble to shove it down somebody elses throat.

"My religion is simple. My religion is kindness."-- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

In my case it comes down to being a lover of stories. All kinds: Myths, legends, miracles, fairy tales- all beautiful stories filled with imaginative divinity! I believe in all of them- I believe in Jesus. And Buddha. And Isis, Athena, Baba Yaga, and Huckleberry Finn. 

I'm certain I'll catch a lot of flack for writing this, and that's perfectly fine. It boils down to this: believe what you know to be true. I will do the same. I will believe in the stories themselves as my own truths: You can't tell me they don't exist.

Picking Paths

Something has been on my mind a lot lately. The idea of picking a path to travel on is a recurring theme in my life and in my art. Pointing blindly to a dot on a map, going wherever the wind takes me, or choosing between one relationship or another has never been my strong suit. Sure I'm great at helping friends and family cut through all the b.s. to get to where they need to go, but when it comes to doing so for myself I tense up and sputter out. 

Being more decisive is one of my areas of weakness I've been hacking at for the better part of a year now.  The hardest choice for me is standing still vs. moving. Questions arise such as "what will he think if I choose this person over him?", "Do I have to hurt someone's feelings? What happens if I hurt the wrong person?", and "If I do this, just how do I go about it?" Putting it down in writing it looks silly and trivial, but I feel that these are strong and valid questions just the same. 

In the end it boils down to the fact that I have to remember that it doesn't matter so much what someone thinks of me, so long as I think strongly of myself. People's feelings get hurt every day, that's just a part of life. People move on from disappointment, and that's okay. I remind myself of how many times someone has hurt me in such a way that I thought I wouldn't recover. Then I realize I made it through that labyrinth, the next one won't be any worse. 

As for not knowing how to go about doing what I set out to do, well, that's a matter of letting go. If I knew how half of the stuff in my life would have turned out I probably wouldn't have done them. But from each of those experiences I understood myself more and more. We learn from our mistakes and missteps do we not? 

I've decided to just see which way I feel drawn towards- which direction has the strongest magnetic hold on me. I have a feeling that right now it's pointing more North West, we'll see in time. 

Until then I'm just going to keep my feet in front of me, one foot in front of the other, and see where I end up. :) 

Redefining Self

"Make What You Need to Find" view from my office window.

Seeing as how it's been far too long since I've written a decent post on here I thought it was high time I blew the dust off and get to work.

Something I have a fair amount of trouble doing is sticking with a project all the way through to the end. A blog, like so many projects, doesn't tend to have a foreseeable deadline. Oddly enough this makes it even harder for me to stay on track.

What I'm attempting to get at here is that I've been doing a lot of thinking about the direction of this blog and what I want it to represent.

The conclusion that I've come to is that it will be a place for me to come to honestly and openly. You'll be seeing more articles on things like faith, journeying, art work, and soul work. It won't always be neat and tidy, and I tend to ramble and go off on tangents. Having said that, I hope you enjoy reading right along and you'll feel comfortable enough to comment on anything. I'd love to start up some good dialogue with you fine folks! :)

xo,

Jenna.