Uncommon Spirit

A Name With No Grave

2012-02-12T18:41:00.003-05:00

Shall I bury you?

Or throw your ashes out to sea?

Would you rest among the wild oaks

Whose branches, like arms,

Reach for the unseen?

Where can I take you

That you can find peace?

Where shall I carve your name-

A stone which reads,

"Here lies my Heart"?

In Praise of Hibernation

2012-02-04T21:05:00.000-05:00

Only the first week in February and we haven't had the slightest bid of cold, (read: FREEZING), weather since mid-January. The weather here in southern Virginia seems almost tropical.

Except for today; today it's been rainy and meh. So, Amazonian weather, perhaps?

Anyway. Whatever the weather it is still winter. I've been staying in more and more this year than any other winter before. I'm not entirely sure why, only that my body keeps telling me that I need my rest. Truly the only way to keep me indoors and in solitude is to suddenly be beaten in the head by the sandman. For instance, I slept a solid nine hours last night- followed by a two hour nap.

See what I mean? Crazy, right?

At first I was fighting it all the way. I had plans! There are things to be done! I need to get outsideeee while it's so pretttyy outtt! Whinneee!

Body: "Hahaha! Uh, no." *THWACK!* "Go back to bed! You need your beauty rest. No, really."

Mind: Whimpers and surrenders.

Hibernation has been good for me in a lot of ways though. I'm reading more books now, which is wonderful since my bookshelves are overflowing with ones I haven't read yet. (I once set a rule that I couldn't buy a new book until I had read one I already owned. Guess how long I stuck to that one? Three days.)

There has also been a lot of experimental baking and cookery going on in my nest. Gluten/Dairy free popcorn chicken, anyone? (YUM.)

I haven't been a complete lazy bum. Weekly outings to Zumba class and doing my own weight lifting routine have preventing me from getting "Bear Butt".

All in all, I kind of love me some hibernation!

How are you guys holding up through the winter?

Word for the Year: Real

2012-02-03T17:58:00.001-05:00

Alright, alright- I know I'm late for this bandwagon. I've been meaning to write this for a while now, and just haven't had the gumption to do it. So here goes- gumption be damned.

Most of the lovely bloggers have been talking about finding one word to revolve their year around. I was intrigued by this method last year, but too nervous to test it out. That, and I couldn't for the life of me think of one word to summarize how I wanted my next twelve months to be.

This year was easier, it came in the form of a quote from one of my favorite childhood books:

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

I would run across that quote several more times before and after the new year and would always keep it in the back of my mind. Letting it marinade there until it itself became real to me.

And then I had it.

Not in the lightning bolt moments that epiphanies sometimes come wrapped in, but in that still, small way. The way in which you least expect it, and then it's there and you wonder why you didn't notice it all along.

My word for the year is simply: Real.

Real-ness in all things. Relationships, surroundings, artwork, work-work. Out with old, tarnished beliefs and ways of things that no longer work. In with the true, the knowing, the real.

The best part of living 'real'? It lasts for always.

Spirituality and Finding the "Just Right"

2012-02-03T17:27:00.001-05:00

One thing that I've been coming across a lot in my life recently is the strict notion that an individual can only follow one spiritual path. It's like saying that the only way to get from point A on the map to point B is by taking only one route and one route only. Wouldn't that be terrible? To be squeezed into one, narrow lane of traffic heading in the same direction? Would you get to see anything other than straight ahead? Could you not pull over, have a picnic, get to know the people in the car next to you? I think one way thru life is a terrible waste of time, energy, and creativity. On our part and on the part of any sort of "Maker".

One way streets are terribly unimaginative.

I don't think that there are any gods, spirits, beings on the other side having wars and arguments over who exists and who doesn't. I think all the fighting is on our side of the ethereal curtain. And I think it's a shame. No one living person knows enough to say that "THIS is the one path to enlightenment! THIS is the only way to live!" We simply don't.

"I don't think there is any truth. Only points of view." -- Allen Ginsberg

My problem is not finding something to believe in, but finding something not to believe in. Even now I'm not sure that's much of a problem to be had. I've been a bit like Goldie Locks in my spiritual pursuit. Some practices feel too tight (Southern Baptist), somethings feel too big (Buddhism). Other things feel almost just right, but not enough for me to settle into them like a second skin.

I've gotten some grief from people who don't quite understand, and that's fine. I don't see how they can't not their comfy theology. To each their own. I believe that it's personally fine to pursue whatever believe one wants, I don't think it's very noble to shove it down somebody elses throat.

"My religion is simple. My religion is kindness."-- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

In my case it comes down to being a lover of stories. All kinds: Myths, legends, miracles, fairy tales- all beautiful stories filled with imaginative divinity! I believe in all of them- I believe in Jesus. And Buddha. And Isis, Athena, Baba Yaga, and Huckleberry Finn.

I'm certain I'll catch a lot of flack for writing this, and that's perfectly fine. It boils down to this: believe what you know to be true. I will do the same. I will believe in the stories themselves as my own truths: You can't tell me they don't exist.

Picking Paths

2012-01-16T22:45:00.001-05:00

Something has been on my mind a lot lately. The idea of picking a path to travel on is a recurring theme in my life and in my art. Pointing blindly to a dot on a map, going wherever the wind takes me, or choosing between one relationship or another has never been my strong suit. Sure I'm great at helping friends and family cut through all the b.s. to get to where they need to go, but when it comes to doing so for myself I tense up and sputter out.

Being more decisive is one of my areas of weakness I've been hacking at for the better part of a year now. The hardest choice for me is standing still vs. moving. Questions arise such as "what will he think if I choose this person over him?", "Do I have to hurt someone's feelings? What happens if I hurt the wrong person?", and "If I do this, just how do I go about it?" Putting it down in writing it looks silly and trivial, but I feel that these are strong and valid questions just the same.

In the end it boils down to the fact that I have to remember that it doesn't matter so much what someone thinks of me, so long as I think strongly of myself. People's feelings get hurt every day, that's just a part of life. People move on from disappointment, and that's okay. I remind myself of how many times someone has hurt me in such a way that I thought I wouldn't recover. Then I realize I made it through that labyrinth, the next one won't be any worse.

As for not knowing how to go about doing what I set out to do, well, that's a matter of letting go. If I knew how half of the stuff in my life would have turned out I probably wouldn't have done them. But from each of those experiences I understood myself more and more. We learn from our mistakes and missteps do we not?

I've decided to just see which way I feel drawn towards- which direction has the strongest magnetic hold on me. I have a feeling that right now it's pointing more North West, we'll see in time.

Until then I'm just going to keep my feet in front of me, one foot in front of the other, and see where I end up. :)

Redefining Self

2012-01-16T00:10:00.001-05:00

"Make What You Need to Find" view from my office window.

Seeing as how it's been far too long since I've written a decent post on here I thought it was high time I blew the dust off and get to work.

Something I have a fair amount of trouble doing is sticking with a project all the way through to the end. A blog, like so many projects, doesn't tend to have a foreseeable deadline. Oddly enough this makes it even harder for me to stay on track.

What I'm attempting to get at here is that I've been doing a lot of thinking about the direction of this blog and what I want it to represent.

The conclusion that I've come to is that it will be a place for me to come to honestly and openly. You'll be seeing more articles on things like faith, journeying, art work, and soul work. It won't always be neat and tidy, and I tend to ramble and go off on tangents. Having said that, I hope you enjoy reading right along and you'll feel comfortable enough to comment on anything. I'd love to start up some good dialogue with you fine folks! :)

xo,

Lucy.

Unfolding

2011-11-11T22:37:00.001-05:00

Some scans of an old creative visual journal. I think I need to revisit these & start back up again.

For Love of Buried Treasure

2011-11-11T21:23:00.001-05:00

I want to go back into the woods,

Recover what treasure I buried there,

And hold it close to my chest.

So that I may feel its pulse

next to my breast,

And know that it is real.

So that I can twine my fingers round,

it is safe; and so am I.

I don't want to be without it,

I want to keep it on my nightstand,

let it collect the dust of forgetfulness.

And move on.

Out of sight, out of mind-

Doesn't work so well with me.

I need to keep it close,

make it a part of me.

Then discard it, once I have known it

completely.

I can't do that though,

No matter how hard I try.

Your heart must remain

buried in the woods,

So I can cherish it from afar.

Drumming Journey Part 3: Deep Purple

2011-10-07T16:14:00.000-04:00

Amethyst submerged in purified water atop my altar table.

If it's one thing I've learned about meditating during this journey is that you never know what you're in for.

My previous encounters with meditating have found me in rather interesting places. I've been in the dessert, dancing with the Fox spirit and Snake; I've laid down in a field of lavender with Artic Fox at my side; I've been on the beach listening to the soothing lessons of both Snake and Artic Fox. Lastly, I was around the campfire with all my other sisters of the SouLodge.

This time around was no different. I was already with my guides before my head even hit the pillow. As soon as the music started I saw both Snake and Fox there. We were in a grassy meadow, and we just stood there talking. I had had an interesting weekend followed by a pretty intense week, so I was looking to my guides for advice and support. As always, they were willing & ready. :)

It was basically a Question & Answer session. Fox let me pet his fur, and was mostly quiet during the conversation. He would not emphatically at certain points, but seemed content not to pipe up.

Snake on the other hand, was quite...bossy. She was unrelenting with her questions, which I answered honestly and completely. I would hardly be done talking before she hit me with another thought provoking question. We went back and forth like this for some time. I can't remember what happened afterward, except that I was feeling much more aligned but really tired as well. The three of us sat in the meadow for a while in silence before I came back up.

I've found that I have a lot of luck when using the stones to meditate. (I place it on my forehead, at the Third Eye. It seems to work best for me that way.) The music is, as always, incredibly helpful too.

Now I'm off to go look up more about my beloved Snake guide. I recently learned that, according to the Native American calender, Snake is my totem animal. I've been working with her since the Spring time when I ordered my first ever medicine bundle from Pixie. It's been enlightening getting to know myself through her, and also learning about her in the process. :)

'Til next time...

xoxo

Playing with Lavender

2011-10-07T15:22:00.000-04:00

One of our projects for SouLodge including working with the plant folk. We were to choose a plant that we felt connected to and extract the essence of it by sealing it in a glass jar of purified water and letting it set in the sun for a day.

After some initial figuring I chose to work with lavender again. I had thought about using the marigolds out front, and later found out that they are actually my birth flower. Next time!

I cleaned out a mason jar, which I believe previously held sugar, mmm, sugar. Filled it with water and lavender buds, sealed it, and put it outside.

Since I rent an apartment working out doors can get pretty tricky. My land lords live next door, and I don't think they'd take too fondly to my rummaging around their yard uninvited. I did end up going into the backyard which we share, and having my Jar of Calm nest up in the tree house my land lord had constructed for his kids. (Who are now grown and have moved out.)

The weather was the one bit of this project that did not want to cooperate. I was later doing this assignment than I wanted to be. Then came Irene and well- that just made the whole thing a wash. (Forgive the punnery!)

As usual, it all worked out. I left my jar outside for a full sunny day, and brought it back in. I then let it sit for a while (okay, a few weeks!) before finally using it.

At last I decided to use it in a foot bath, and my feet were very grateful! The smell wasn't too potent, but the color of the water was a beautiful amber. I slept deeply that night and felt much better in the morning.

Overall I really loved this part- I've enjoyed working with lavender and I can't wait to pluck a few marigolds for the next round. :)

xoxo,

Lucy.

Quiet Keeping

2011-09-22T22:25:00.000-04:00

Things around here have been quite slow. I apologize for the lack of posts. There have been some other things that have been taking up quite a bit of space in my mind and in my heart lately. I've had to be quite courageous and standing up for myself a lot recently. It takes a lot of energy to be true to yourself!

One of the things that I have been doing for me is making more time to read. I've been putting off reading "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg for a long time now. I had checked it out from the library almost three months ago, and only this past week was I able to sit with it and fully absorb its juiciness!

This past Sunday, as I finished reading the last pages, I sighed and put the book down on the desk. As I put it down the church bells down the street began to chime. The bells are horribly out of tune, but they clunked along quite beautifully. I couldn't help but think the same applied to myself as I move through life with clumsy beauty.

A Week in the West

2011-08-29T23:04:00.001-04:00

This week I'll be journeying along with my fellow Lodge Sisters in the West. Unfortunately it won't be a literal journey, although I can't think of anything better than a camping trip with this new found tribe of wonderfully wild women!

The timing on this could not have been more perfect even if it tried. I cannot properly express how much trouble I've been having trying to unblock myself from myself. It seems like a silly concept, but when it comes down to it the only person standing in my way is...me. Well, the fearful side of me I should say.

All through this course so far there has been a tremendous amount of fear built up. What if this group rejects me, even though all I want is to belong? What if there's nothing in the deep for me to mine and bring to the surface? Will I come off as clingy, desperate, or look like a teacher's pet if I ask questions or look for help? What if nothing I do works? Where will I be then?

Thankfully, most of these fears have subsided enough so that I can do the work and not hesitate. There have been times, however brief, where I have been tempted to stop. But when I think about quitting, I know how badly I'll feel if I don't complete something. (I'm bad about that!) And I also remember how much I wanted to do this course and how much I've gained from the experience already.

So even though my steps are sometimes full of doubt I keep plodding along. Fox has been kindly nudging me along my way, reminding me that I can trust my feet and that there will always be something solid beneath them.

After seeing this week's video I referred back to an old livejournal entry I had written five years ago this month. Since we are dealing with Mother Ocean this week I was immediately reminded of it. Every word that I wrote sitting on that beach in North Carolina all those years ago still rings true today. Reading it again I am reminded how serene and open the water is. And how The Letting Go is so much easier there.

One of the things I wanted to do this week before even having seen the video was get back to the pool for some quality swim time. I haven't been in two weeks and I can already tell what a difference it had made. The bonus is that the filtration system at the pool I go to is salt based and not chlorine based like so many others. Making the water more pure and gentle. Another bonus!

So yes- where I am this week is just re-learning to Let Go and be in my own skin the way I used to be and how I remember being. I'll go ahead and copy that entry I spoke of below, in hopes that it might better illustrate what I was talking about. Maybe it'll ring true for some of you as well?

Much Love!

*Written on August 6th, 2006*
I am at the sea. It is healing to me, and it is healing me. I had thought that what I needed was the solitude of the forest, but the truth was I had been in the forest for too long and had become saturated by it. I needed to be let open, not held in. I needed to be wide and spread, not contained. A day and a half here and I can already feel the healing process beginning to take effect.

I enjoy the sea, and for probably the first time in my life, I am not afraid of it. I am impressed, or rather, in awe of its beauty-but especially its power. The waves are neither calm nor violent. They can carry you in or take you out; your control over it is limited. You can only control how you react to it. It all feels rather majestic to me now. I feel so bare and natural here. I feel a sort of nakedness here as well. Not in that scary, being naked in front of a classroom full of people kind of naked. Rather, a calm, freeing, returning to the earth via the sea kind of naked.

I have arrived. I am journeying in and out with the tide. It is a rare and beautiful thing.

My legs have power here. I have thought of my legs as another part of my body worth hiding. Today brought about a different thought as I bounded in and out of the waves and swam and ran in the ocean. Suddenly, my legs felt powerful and graceful. I moved with ease thru all of the waves. My legs embraced the teal and emerald water like a ballerina on the stage. I felt immensely swan like, (like a swan under water).

I am being allowed to mix and mingle with the water of a truer earth. An open earth. That allows parts of herself to be tamed, tortured, and polluted. Only to cleanse herself and rid herself of the evils intermittently. I believe that that is what attracts me so to the sea. She is not often taken care of by those that she allows in, but she needs very little help. The ocean takes care of herself. She is not to be taken lightly, however. She can tease, taunt, and torment at her own will. She reminds me often of that, even though she lets all of us in-she cannot be claimed. I admire that in a woman.

Drumming Journey: Part 2

2011-08-29T21:17:00.001-04:00

After my initial meditation experience I was determined to not let it get me down. I had a lot of frustration initially, because when I was younger this sort of thing was always easy for me. Only a few years ago did I notice having any trouble communicating and understanding my intuition.

So for the next round, I decided to be a little more prepared. I had had trouble just "letting go" and not trying to control my vision. Snake had been very kind and patient in guiding me down to meet White Fox. I wasn't sure if she would be there again or not the second time around.

One of the things I did differently was try to clear my space a little more. I usually lay on my bed for meditations, but the first time I hadn't made it up and there was a ton of clutter in the room. I eliminated a lot of it and tidied up around the bed so that maybe the air could flow more easily.

The other thing that I did differently was to use a piece of amethyst and place it on my third eye. I had read up somewhere where amethyst supposedly helps aid in meditation. Well, it can't hurt! :)

Happily I can say that I immediately met up with my guide without any hesitation. We started out by sitting together on a beautiful beach, it felt like we were in North Carolina possibly (a place I had visited before). And we just sat together in silence, getting used to one another's presence. Initially I still felt the need to control the situation in order to move it along. Fox was insistent that we take our time, however.

At some point it was evening, and he and I plodded along a pathway deep into the woods. I don't remember being able to see, but just going by faith and staying beside Fox's side.

We made it into the inner most center of the woods. Someone had already started a small bonfire, and I could see other women gathering around it. I could hear the garbled sounds of people talking and laughing, and someone was passing around finger foods. Bear was there and I remember seeing her wiggle her way down to the ground beside the campfire, trying to avoid sitting on anyone. I remember her being very sweet and welcoming. The bird guides were there, as well as many others, but I can't remember all of them. It was hard to make out anyone in the firelight. Apparently we were so deep in the trees that we couldn't make out any of the stars or even the moon.

Fox and I joined the circle and although I wanted to sit somewhat further back he nudged me up closer to join the rest of the group. He laid down beside me and let me pet the thick fur around his neck.

Soon all the group quieted down and the mood was calm. We were all comfortable in our silence, sitting with all of our guides. I kept feeling the itch to ask Fox what we were all doing, why I should be there, what was my purpose in the circle, etc. But every time I wanted to ask I would just stroke his mane some more and that helped to keep me present in the moment.

After some time I heard the drumming summoning me back. I remember nodding to everyone in the group, and Fox and I moved silently back home.

Altars

2011-08-21T15:49:00.000-04:00

Altars and shrines are extremely personal creations and vary wildly from person to person. I first considered building an altar of my own after reading The Red Book by Sera Beak. I was raised in the Baptist church in a small southern town, making altars a thing of extreme mystery and taboo.

Once I realized that even churches have altars and shrines, however, it only made sense to have one in my home. For purposes of keeping this entry short I'm only going into what it takes to build an altar. (Shrines and altars are different, in my opinion, so I am keeping them separate for that reason.)

I wanted my altar to honor the divine in my life: both the feminine and the masculine. I had a multitude of trinkets and gifts from all over the world that I sifted through. I spent time with each item, deciding what sacred meaning it held for me. Discarding the ones that I still had attachments to, but didn't feel right for whatever reason. And keeping the ones that I knew belonged.

Some of the items I used included: my Vasalisa doll, turquoise necklace, panda statue, purple amethyst, and turquoise stone all from Nana; a purple buddha statue and white elephant from a trip to Chinatown, New York; Rose quartz from my Great-Gran; one of my paint palettes and old paintbrush; my hand wraps (reminding me to stand up for myself!); a satchel of rose petals from a rose my parents gave me on Valentine's; A Russian nesting doll from North Carolina; an otter from a friend, and a ceramic charm of an intertwined couple made in Spain and given to me by a college friend. All of these went into a beautiful and well-loved jewelry box from another Great-Grandmother. I used some orange and red silk as a table runner. Beside the box I placed my tarot cards and also my abalone shell and smudge stick.

Originally I kept the altar on the mantle piece in my bedroom. Then I inherited a beautiful marble top table from my Nana and it only felt right to move the altar to that and put it facing the East.

I love having the altar in my bedroom and that it's one of the first things that I see in the morning when I wake up. It helps me center myself before I get up and get ready to greet the day.

When I re-examined the process I took in order to construct this I realized how many of the items were gifts from other women in my life that I loved and admired. I believe what I had been feeling when picking out the pieces was the love and magic inherited in each of them. Looking at this I can see how loved and blessed I am by the women in my life.

While I used a more intuitive guide for this, I know some people would use a more logical approach. The basic thing to remember when making your altar is to do what feels right and natural to you. Choose items that speak to you, but don't focus too much on why. If something seems out of place, take it off and see how that resonates within you. It might feel odd to combine different things from different cultures, but the culmination of them will make sense in the end. I didn't think combining things from Native American/ Russian/ Spanish/ Chinese and American backgrounds would lend itself to something spiritually cohesive. Yet it turned out to be a perfect reflection of who I am, where I am from, and what I believe.

And it's absolutely beautiful.

Drumming Journey: Part 1

2011-08-21T02:16:00.000-04:00

The drumming journey has been by far the hardest part of this course for me. It's not due to anything outside of myself. I have had a block in my mind and in my chest that I haven't been able to fully carve out. Part of the reason is because of the fear I wrote about at the start of this blog. I was afraid that the totem animal would somehow not be the one that I needed. That we wouldn't be a good fit.

I really wanted otter. I don't know why except that I love the animal dearly. I love their playfulness. I love the way they glide through the water. I especially love their stubby wittle wegs! The cute! It burns!

But no. Otter is not my totem animal.

Starting the process of meditation was not easy. Nothing wanted to work! The music file would not load or play correctly until the 15th try. I couldn't get comfortable on the bed. My brain wouldn't shuuuuttttupp! Complete Princess and the Pea moment, right? Right. (Although I am certainly no princess, and even if there was a pea to cause me discomfort I would have showed it who's boss by EATING THE SUCKER. Mwahaha! ...But I digress!)

After multiple tries things finally fell into place. I started to relax and follow into my spirit self into my underworld.

Normally my process of meditation is to set myself in the woods behind Nana's house. In middle school my best friend and I had attempted to built a secret meeting place only for it to be plowed up by the town. Sad, but the place was still sacred to me.

I kept getting a tug telling me that this wasn't the place I needed to go. "Go through the crackled, blue door and get to where you need to be!" Instructed the voice. I sighed, but did as told.

Crossing the threshold of my favorite door I found myself in the middle of a vast dessert unlike anything I'd ever seen. The mountains were beautiful and majestic and serene. And also very, very far off in the distance. I was looking around me for some sign of life. I imagined a small town off in the distance. And then a tumbleweed would try and blow by. But the tugging persisted and told me to "Stand still and wait." More sighing, more obeying.

Soon enough the wind blew up the dust and through it pranced a beautiful, large white fox. He had a sort of smirk on his face and a sparkle in his eye. I asked if he was my spirit guide, he nodded and agreed that I was. He never stopped looking directly at me and dancing around while I stood there and watched. I'm not particularly impatient, but I was getting tired of trying to hard to understand all that was going on that I eventually stomped my foot and asked him if there was a message for me. He nodded again, still grinning and prancing around. I got fed up and asked him what it was. There was some yipping on his part, which I couldn't translate.

After some time I heard a rattle behind me. Turning to see what it was, the wind again picked up the dust and a white snake shook her head and revealed herself to me. "He says to blend. Blend! Blend innn!" She hissed, not threateningly, but kindly so that the words would sink in.

I remember looking shocked and then relieved. Snake and White Fox read my mind and suddenly there was a bonfire between myself and Fox. He transformed into a handsome American Indian and started dancing around the flames smiling happily. He asked me to join him, Snake gave a psychic nudge (so she was the one nudging me around!), and I joined in the dance. Making up the moves as I went alone and soon falling into rhythm with Fox. Snake shook her rattle to the beat.

I felt, and saw, myself transforming. No longer my waking self, but becoming more my intended self. I had wild, bushy white blond hair that almost looked like fur. My skin was a different shade of pale, and my eyes became dark brown-black. My clothes turned into an off-white prairie dress and I was barefoot.

I rolled over and woke up as soon as the drum beat sounded it's final note.

Gifts From Grandmother

2011-08-21T01:51:00.000-04:00

My Nana Lady

This past year has been one of interesting trials for me and my family. My Nana became unable to take care of herself and live on her own. So by her choice she moved into an assisted living home here in town. Not even a five minute walk from my apartment!

Moving her and making sure she was taken care of by skilled persons meant having to dismantle her home and her belongings and sell what was not given out to family. A process that normally leaves family in tatters left all of us relatively unscathed. There wasn't much, if any, bickering as to who would get what and what would be left to relatives out of state and what would be sold.

During the dismantling, I found out so much about my grandmother that I had not known before. For instance, she had so many elements in and around her home that lend themselves to shamanism and magic making. I was fortunate in that no one else seemed to want any of these pieces, so no one minded my assuming possession.

One of these things was a doll that had been given to Nana when she was a child. The doll was made of delicate porcelain and cotton. She had a beautiful blue calico dress and white apron. Her hair had been painting the deepest black, and her skin was smooth and white. I had played with her when I was but a little fiend. Nana only let me play with her on the promise that I wouldn't ever throw her around or mistreat her. Thankfully I knew to respect both Nana's wishes and the doll's.

After reading and re-reading Women Who Run with the Wolves, specifically the story of Vasalisa I found that the doll had meaning for me as a reminder to listen to my own intuition. The same way Vasalisa learned to listen to her deep knowing by listening to the doll her mother had given her before her passing.

The next gift was a small cauldron. Nana had used it to put potted plants in, but anyone who is interested in becoming a magic practitioner needs a good cauldron. If only to imitate the Fates in Macbeth. ;)

Knowing I would eventually be getting white sage bundles for smudging, I really wanted to find an abalone shell to put out the herb. In the front yard underneath the maple I was in luck! Beside a large sand dollar Nana had planted a small abalone shell. There had been another larger one, but the weather had taken it's toll on it and it was riddled with holes and falling apart. Hoping that the shell would be big enough to suit my purposes, I dusted it off and brought it home to live in my kitchen. (It is just the right size, by the way!)

The last of the gifts left to me by my Nana was an owl feather. Ever since the fourth grade I had made dreamcatchers for people. Naturally my Nana was among the first recipients. I had wondered the woods behind her house often, trying to find some mystical being to make friends with. One day I found an owl feather just lying in the middle of the valley. I picked it up, washed it gently in the kitchen sink, and later attached it to the dream catcher I would present my Nana. The rest of the dream catcher had dry rotted from being in the sun, but the feather is still in immaculate condition! I now use it when I do my smudging. :)

Nana has given me many great gifts over the years- I am grateful to be among the many women who have had such intuitive female figures in their life!

Making Prayer Bundles

2011-08-21T01:29:00.000-04:00

Our first assignment was to make the prayer bundles that we would string in a tree outdoors, or, as I have done, string them above my altar. (There are not many trees nearby & I also rent. The Landlords would not smile kindly upon something they do not understand.)

I'm really glad that this was our first assignment. As I learned that prayer bundles were typically done at the beginning of most any ceremony. As with a lot of things lately, I had all the necessary ingredients on hand to begin the work. This exercise so far has been the easiest one for me to complete.

I began by finding my twine. I had used it to wrap Christmas gifts with and forgotten where I put it! So there was a massive search about the apartment. (It was with the wrapping paper. Go figure. ;)) I had listened to my gut a week prior to signing up for the course and purchased some fabric scraps which were on clearance. (Do we get points for finally listening to our Universal Nudges? We so should.)

I smudged my work area and set to making and praying. I had a lot of fears starting out. The bigger ones being that there's nothing in me worth mining; that I would somehow be rejected from another group in which I so desperately wanted to be a part of; that I wouldn't get anything 'right' and this whole experience would be a waste of time and money, and that I wouldn't find what I was looking for.

Writing down the fears and the worries, and then reading them aloud, it really seems so silly. What do I have to be afraid of? Really? Absolutely nothing! I trust in the magic, in the Universe, in myself. I also trust in the other women in the circle and our gracious leader, Pixie. I trust in the circle, and that is all that I need.

I put all those fears out into the bundles and prayed for them to be assuaged but the Spirit. Once finished I hung them above the altar in my bedroom which faces East. (I'll talk about my altar a little later.) The string wasn't long enough to go from one end of the window pane to the other, so I took tacks and pinned it to my curtain. (My curtains have been through much worse, I am sure. They did survive me in college. :) )

All in all I was very pleased with the experience and with the outcome. I love waking up each morning and seeing my prayer bundles swaying there in the breeze. I think about how silly it is to be afraid sometimes, and about how many other women are waking up and looking at their own prayer bundles with the same love and adoration.

We are all tied together anyway, aren't we?

Kindling the Spirit

2011-08-21T01:05:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

Thank you for stopping by my corner of the internet. I want to welcome you here and hope that you feel like this place is sacred and holds some element of magic for you as it does for me.

I decided to resusitate this blog for the purpose of cataloging my journey and experiences in the SouLodge, gracefully headed up by the Ms coyote, Pixie Campbell. If you are curious about this course, please check Pixie's blog entry here.

I learned of Pixie's blog through Roots of She, how I found RoS, I don't remember. All I know is that Pixie was featured on their blog, and immediately I felt pulled by her magic magnet. I loved reading all that she had to say about life and her work. Something in her words made me miss the parts of me that have gone so long without being fed.

For the past year I have been slowly learning to return to myself, and through this e-course I hope to ilk out a little bit more of me. This blog will be a reflection of that journey. Although I will be maintaining a private journal for more personal reverie, I really felt called to share some of it online. Mostly so that anyone who is journeying with me during this course can come and share their thoughts, experiences, and wisdom. And also for those who will take the journey later- hopefully they will find something here that resonates with them. Breadcrumbs in the forest! :)

So for whatever reason you have found yourself here- by fate by fortune- welcome! Let's go dancing in the daylight!

xoxo